(Featured image photo credit: Ever Be Photography)
May is a very special month in our household. It’s the month where we get to celebrate my daughter’s birthday, my husband’s birthday, Mother’s Day and our wedding anniversary!
I see so many articles criticizing husbands and fathers, and seriously I just wish I saw more recognizing them for the blessings that they are. There is an overwhelming stereotype that guys are lousy incapable husbands and fathers most of the time. And therefore, we women in their lives must complain about their inadequacies and nag them for all of the things we wish they did differently. Is it surprising women feel this way? We grow up watching all of the Disney princesses find their Prince Charming…and then we enter the real world with real people.
Nobody is perfect. We all have strengths and weaknesses. But for every time my husband doesn’t do the dishes, he does something else even better. The last thing I said to my husband last night before bed was, “Thanks for being such a great dad.”
My husband didn’t do the dishes yesterday, but he did make sure we took our daughter to her very 1st horse riding lesson. He did all the pre-work from gathering recommendations, to scheduling the appointment, ordering little cowgirl boots online and picking out the perfect outfit complete with a plaid shirt, jeggings, and socks with horses on them!
My husband probably won’t do the dishes today, but he will attempt to fix my car which is having yet another problem connecting to its battery.
Last summer, and the 2 summers before that,
he repetitively wore his dirty shoes into the house…after being outside working on our landscaping and playing baseball or mountain biking with our son.
My husband hasn’t agreed to run an ultra marathon with me, despite all of my begging (who can blame him, really?!), but he is my workout buddy almost every day.
My husband didn’t wake up to feed our babies every time I woke up in the middle of the night to nurse them. But he did thank me for doing it. And he did change a lot of diapers!
My husband isn’t the most romantic guy around, but he does show me that he loves me in many ways! Expecting each other, or anyone, to be perfect at doing it all every day just isn’t realistic. We can all find things to nag each other about or focus on things that didn’t get done to our expectations. But is that what makes for a happy marriage or family? Over the past several years, I’ve come to this realization on my own…that I want to see and be grateful for the good in who my life partner is and not hyper focus on the flaws. Because we all have flaws. I really don’t want him harping on mine 24/7, and I don’t want to do that to him because in the grand scheme of things, they are not a big deal. Some marriages have big problems in the form of deal-breakers – abuse, addictions, infidelity and the like. Lots of marriages, though, are made up of two people who accidentally started to hyper focus on flaws that aren’t really a big deal in the grand scheme of things; they start to expect perfection more than they expect to compromise.
My husband is continually working on himself as a person, and tries to be the best husband and father that he can be. He’s always willing to discuss ways I think he can do those things differently, which is all I can ask for! Because of course there are times I have an opinion about those things! All that really matters is that I love him as a husband and as a father. We are both willing to compromise and work as a team. In those stressful weeks of being a working mom of 3, when I’m tired of doing so much cooking & cleaning…I consciously try not to nag, but either sit back and wait to allow my husband opportunity to step in and do more, or I explain I could really use some help.
Instead of nagging at imperfections in my husband, I’m consciously flipping the script and choosing to appreciate all of the things that I love about him. Because what would my life be like without him in it? Much worse; he is my best friend. I’m one of the lucky ones who found a wonderful person to love and spend my life with.
Last night, as we were discussing our upcoming wedding anniversary, he said “I don’t know where I would be today without you…I’ll let your mind wander on that thought.” And we both had a good laugh! Like all of us, he has grown a lot since his younger days. We have both grown because we are trying to be our best selves for our family, not because of any amount of nagging.
So let’s all flip the script and choose to be grateful for living this blessed adventure together, with all of our gifts and imperfections!